


I Know You By Heart

by spoowriterfic



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:54:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29124486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoowriterfic/pseuds/spoowriterfic
Summary: Nicole's anxieties have one particular external effect; it took Waverly a while to realize what it was, but now she has a plan to help (she's a planner, after all).Or: Nicole Haught needs prescription strength chapstick.
Relationships: Waverly Earp & Wynonna Earp, Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught
Comments: 5
Kudos: 99





	I Know You By Heart

**Author's Note:**

> So, funny story.
> 
> I had forgotten that this story existed until I was moving my previous story to my "finished" folder on my laptop, saw a similarly-titled file (because apparently TLC is my go-to working title), opened it up, and just stared at about 500 words that I genuinely have no memory of writing.

Although it had always been a tacit, unspoken understanding between them, it wasn’t until after Jolene that Nicole said the words, “I have anxiety.”

“I know,” Waverly had said.

And of course she did. Just like Nicole knew about the depression and anxiety that lurked at the edges of Waverly’s own psyche – things that Jolene had both embodied and ruthlessly targeted but which continued to exist without her.

Nicole had smiled wryly with a slightly sheepish shrug. “I mean, the nightmares…and I did have a panic attack in front of you.”

More than one, actually, but Waverly had dismissed that and had shaken her head, brushing her thumb over Nicole’s lower lip, which had been getting worse along with Nicole’s nightmares. The closer they got to Bulshar, the worse both seemed to be getting. “I knew a long time before that, baby.”

* * *

Waverly had, in fact, noticed it almost right away, but at first she figured it was just the harsh, cold, dry wind of a Purgatory winter that was wreaking havoc on her new girlfriend’s lips and didn’t think to say anything.

But as winter turned into spring and then summer and Nicole’s nightmares began and then rapidly got worse, she put two and two together and realized what she was seeing was not sensitive skin that was exceptionally vulnerable to Purgatory’s weather – instead, she was seeing evidence of whatever it was that was starting to wake Nicole up in a cold sweat at least once a week.

After Dolls died, it got worse – it was as though unlocking some of those memories by speaking them aloud into the air also unlocked something inside of Nicole. A level of vulnerability and anxiety she had kept locked up as tight as she’d kept the memories themselves. She no longer _just_ chewed her lips during a nightmare; she’d begun to absently lick her lips, or even chew them, any time she was in any position to allow her thoughts to drift. She seemed totally unaware that she was doing it, but Waverly noticed, even though she wasn’t sure how, or whether, to bring it up. At least, cold comfort though it was, she understood now what was tormenting her girlfriend at night.

And the longer it went on – the closer the fight with Bulshar loomed – the worse the nightmares got, and the more memories that pierced through the haze after she saw the picture of her six-year-old self posing with Nedley….

“I bought you something,” Waverly said as an exhausted Nicole dropped her duty belt on the loveseat in her bedroom with an uncharacteristic lack of care. Even though it was only late afternoon, it had already been a very long day – she’d started it with the worst nightmare yet, which had woken them (and a very unimpressed Calamity Jane) up two hours before dawn, then they’d had to deal with a group of Revenants setting up camp in an abandoned lot not far from Purgatory General, after which Nicole had had a meeting with the city council to formalize their support for her promotion to Sheriff so it could be made official at the public council meeting the next day, only to be called out on an emergency response to a multi-car accident in the middle of the meeting.

She hid the toll the already long day had taken on her well, but Waverly knew every little bit of Nicole. She was a researcher at heart, after all, and had applied that same focus, zeal, and attention to detail to Nicole as she would to any other research subject. She could see how exhausted Nicole already was and she had almost suggested sending another officer – but she could also see the points Nicole’s dedication was scoring with the council members, Bunny excepted, and held her tongue.

“Thanks,” Nicole croaked, flopping down onto her stomach on the bed with a groan before she rolled over to pin Waverly with a mostly-playful glare. “Remember way back when…when I told you Wynonna said some guy drove around Purgatory with a jacuzzi in the back of his pickup truck and even _you_ , Waverly Earp, born and bred Purgatorian, told me that was too weird even for Purgatory?”

“Oh no.” Waverly frowned, only just realizing that Nicole was wearing the spare pair of tennis shoes she kept in her trunk and not her usual work boots. “What happened?” she murmured as she began to gently rub Nicole’s shoulders.

“Let’s just say it was _not_ too weird for Purgatory and it is _not_ a good idea not to change that water for a year, and either winter weather doesn’t kill algae or he had some kind of supernatural unfreezable algae, and it is _really_ not a good idea to be in the middle of a five-car pileup when the bed of your truck is filled with more algae than water, and now I have to go to the City on my day off to buy a new pair of boots, because there’s no saving my old ones.”

Waverly couldn’t quite stifle a giggle at the mental image Nicole had painted, followed by a hasty, “I’m sorry, baby.”

Nicole shrugged, then exhaled and laid her arm over her eyes. “And to top it all off, my head is _killing_ me.”

Waverly put aside any notion she had of broaching the subject of Nicole’s torn-to-bits lips and scratched her scalp instead. “I’m sorry, baby,” she said again. “I’ll see if I can rescue your boots. I know how much you like them.” Nicole smiled a wordless thanks. “Did you get dinner?”

“I’ll just throw it up,” Nicole answered with a sigh. “I don’t know what’s with me…it’s not usually this bad.” She peeked at Waverly, but flinched and covered her eyes again. “Photosensitivity’s really bad too…and my app didn’t even warn me in time to stop it ‘cause it’s two days early.”

“Just something bland, okay? Enough to get some medicine in you.”

Nicole sighed, but nodded under her arm.

But instead of getting up right away, Waverly gently pushed Nicole back over onto her stomach, putting a bit more effort into easing the painfully tight muscles of her back, singing something soft and soothing and gentle all the while.

“Feeling better?” Waverly asked later; she’d made Nicole some toast and plain rice so she didn’t take her medicine on an empty stomach, then she’d drawn the shades in her bedroom against the glow of the setting sun and turned off all the lights, leaving only one citrus-scented candle burning on the dresser.

“Yeah. Sorry, baby, I’m sure you had a lot more exciting things you could have done with your night tonight.”

“Maybe,” Waverly agreed. “But there’s nothing I _want_ to do more than be here with you and help make you feel better.”

Nicole smiled fondly but vaguely at her as her medication took rapid effect. “Love you,” she mumbled.

She was asleep before Waverly had a chance to respond – or to be uncomfortable that she _couldn’t_ respond aloud.

_I love you too_ , she thought, hoping that somehow Nicole could feel the words in the hand rhythmically stroking her hair back off her forehead.

* * *

The next morning, Waverly woke up to the sound of Nicole gasping in bed next to her. She was rigid as stone but made no noise other than her strained breathing – and she was rhythmically, repeatedly, chewing her lower lip.

_At least she almost made it to dawn this time_ , Waverly thought with a sigh.

She resumed stroking Nicole’s hair, trying to ease her gently into consciousness; startling her out of a nightmare didn’t work out well for anyone involved.

Slowly, Nicole stirred, then pried her eyes open and deflated. “Not again,” she rasped, exhausted and apologetic and frustrated all at the same time.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry. That’s the third one this week.”

“You don’t have _anything_ to apologize for,” Waverly shot back. “You went through something awful when you were _six years old_. Are you going to look at me – at _me_ , Nicole – and tell me I don’t know what it’s like to have something scary and awful happen to you at the age of six? Really?”

“You’re right,” Nicole said, though a little evasively.

Waverly knew she wasn’t trying to hide her vulnerability, per se; it was just that she knew that Waverly was going through a lot at the moment. They all were, but Waverly and Wynonna felt the looming threat of Bulshar most keenly – Wynonna because she was the Heir, and Waverly because she still felt guilty that her deal with Gretta had resulted in his release – and it went against every protective, caring, caretaking instinct Nicole had to add to Waverly’s mountain of worries.

Not wanting to spark an argument or make her any more anxious, she just smiled and laced her fingers through Nicole’s. “Oh,” Nicole added suddenly. “I’m sorry…I just remembered…you wanted to show me something last night…?”

Waverly gave her a quick peck on the cheek, rolling over to grab the lip balm she’d left on her bedside table. She rolled back over and gently trailed her thumb over the torn up skin. “This hurts just looking at it, sweetie-pie,” she said, putting the lip balm into Nicole’s hand. “The pharmacy said this is the strongest thing they had that’s not a prescription.” To lighten the mood a bit, she added, “I didn’t even know prescription lip balm was a _thing_.”

Nicole’s eyes briefly welled with tears, her nostrils flaring before she swallowed hard and whispered, “Thank you, Waves.” She shrugged. “Guess you noticed the stuff I usually use isn’t keeping up anymore.”

Waverly brushed her thumb over Nicole’s lips again. “Honey, you’re chewing at them all night long.”

“I am?”

“Yeah…and when you’re cooking…or driving. Anytime you’re zoned out.”

Nicole’s shoulders dropped. “I didn’t even realize.”

* * *

They were sitting in the kitchen drinking some coffee when Wynonna staggered up to the table. “Morning,” she mumbled, then stopped stock-still with a frown. “Woah, Baby Girl…I know you and Haught Shot like to bring the house down but take it easy on her lips. She’s bleeding.”

Waverly glanced up sharply. “Oh! You are. Here,” she added, grabbing a napkin. Nicole took it with a slight quirk of her lips in thanks. Waverly shot Wynonna a glare that said, in no uncertain terms, “ _Leave it alone, Wynonna_. _”_

Wynonna held up her hands. “Okay, okay. Just didn’t want her bleeding on her fancy tie there, but all right.”

Nicole put the napkin down and shrugged. “Thanks.”

“Today’s the day, huh?”

“Yep,” Waverly said with a proud smile before Nicole could answer. “My best baby’s about to become the best sheriff Purgatory’s ever had.”

“Barf.”

Waverly rolled her eyes at the long-running joke. Nicole drained the last of her coffee, gave Waverly a quick goodbye kiss, then applied a healthy dose of the lip balm Waverly had given her. “See you later,” she said quietly to Waverly, then added a slightly louder, “Bye, Wynonna.”

Waverly watched her go, then turned to catch Wynonna smiling a little wistfully at her. “What?”

“I’m just happy for you, Baby Girl. You got something good there.”

For a moment, it was as though Doll’s ghost and Doc’s shadow hovered between them, then Waverly smiled and said, “Yeah. I sure do.”

Wynonna got up and kissed Waverly gently on the forehead. “You deserve every second of it, you hear me?”

“Yeah.”

“None of that Jolene bullshit, right?”

“No.”

“Okay.”

Wynonna stopped in the doorway to the kitchen when Waverly said, “I’ve never told her I love her.”

“What?” Wynonna stared at her in genuine shock. Waverly looked back at her, almost as confused as Wynonna by her sudden confession.

“I…just can’t. I’ve tried. And I try to show her, and I’ve told _you_ and Mama and Jeremy and, God, even the Iron Witch. But I can’t…say the _words_ …to her.” She sniffed. “And I don’t know why.”

Wynonna softened and knelt next to her. “She knows, Waves. I promise.”

“But I – ”

“Baby Girl,” Wynonna interrupted, pulling Waverly’s head down so their foreheads were touching. “She knows.” She kissed Waverly’s forehead again, then stood back up. “You know how? Because you got her special Chapstick.” She slapped her thighs then headed for the door. “Gotta go. I promised Jeremy I’d help him not suck so much at pool. You guys have your dinner tonight, right?”

“Yeah.”

Wynonna waved a quick goodbye, tossing out a “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” over her shoulder as she left.

Waverly sat at the kitchen table and finished the last of her coffee, then went through the menu for that night, frowning when she realized they were out of potatoes. With a sigh, she headed back upstairs for a couple more layers of clothes so she could make a quick run to the grocery store.

**Author's Note:**

> I still don't remember starting this story.
> 
> But I do remember coming home from a school function where I'd forgotten to bring chapstick (I lick/chew my lips due to anxiety) and just slathering the stuff on because *ouch*, only to notice a couple of days later in the scene where Nicole and Waverly are trying to get the ring off Waverly's finger that either someone with extreme attention to detail did some awesome makeup work, or Kat also chews her lips, because...ouch.
> 
> So apparently, at some point, I started writing this, most likely based on that scene, and must have gotten busy with...*gestures at the world*


End file.
